Relationships & Undiagnosed Personality Disorders

“Love can’t cure a mental illness.” – Alice Oseman, Heartstopper: Volume Four

An undiagnosed Personality Disorder refers to a situation where an individual exhibits persistent patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that significantly deviate from societal norms and cause distress or impairment in various aspects of their life. Since the person has not received a formal diagnosis, they may not be aware of the underlying issues contributing to their emotional and behavioural challenges. Estimating the exact percentage of the population with undiagnosed personality disorders is challenging due to various factors. Research suggests that a significant portion of individuals with personality disorders remain undiagnosed or unrecognised. According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, it is estimated that approximately 9.1% of the general population meets the criteria for at least one type of personality disorder. However, the majority of these individuals are undiagnosed and do not seek treatment. There are several reasons why personality disorders often go undiagnosed:

Lack of Awareness

Many people are not familiar with the signs and symptoms of personality disorders. This lack of awareness can lead to underrecognition and underdiagnosis.

Stigma and Barriers to Treatment

Stigma surrounding mental health issues, including personality disorders, can discourage individuals from seeking help. Additionally, there may be barriers, such as limited access to mental health services or a reluctance to engage in therapy.

Lack of Insight

Individuals with personality disorders may have limited insight into their own condition. They may not recognise their problematic patterns of behaviour or the impact they have on others, making it less likely for them to seek professional help.

Masking and Adaptation

Some individuals with personality disorders may be adept at hiding their symptoms or adapting their behaviour in different contexts. This can make it challenging for others, including mental health professionals, to recognise and diagnose the disorder accurately.

Being involved in a relationship with a person who has an undiagnosed personality disorder can be extremely challenging and potentially harmful. These individuals often struggle with emotional regulation, impulsivity, and forming secure and stable connections with others and may exhibit erratic behaviour, intense mood swings, and difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Their emotional instability and impulsive actions can lead to unpredictable and sometimes volatile situations. A lack of awareness of their condition can prevent them from seeking help or recognising the need for treatment, exacerbating the impact on their mental and emotional well-being. Without a proper diagnosis, the underlying issues driving their problematic behaviours may go unaddressed, leading to ongoing distress for both partners. As a result, their relationships can become unstable, characterised by intense emotional ups and downs, unpredictable behaviour, and frequent conflicts.

If you are in a relationship and have concerns about your partner’s behaviour, it is essential to understand that you cannot fix or change another person; set clear boundaries and communicate your needs openly while being prepared to seek professional support for yourself as you navigate the complexities of being in a relationship with someone with a suspected undiagnosed personality disorder. It is not recommended to try and conduct an unofficial assessment; encouraging your partner to seek evaluation and treatment from a mental health professional is important, but understand that any positive change may be challenging if they are not willing to acknowledge their issues. Ultimately, your safety and well-being are paramount, and it should be accepted that the relationship may not be healthy, especially if there is abuse involved, and has to be terminated.

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