The Collapsed Narcissist

“Entitlement and the rage that comes with it are tip-offs to the arrest in healthy development that is narcissism.” – Sandy Hotchkiss, Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Narcissists spend their whole lives constructing a false identity and persona. In their inner world of imagination, they portray themselves as kings and queens ruling over everyone and everything. This is also exactly how they wish to be perceived by the other people in their lives. They crave approval and recognition (which is converted into Narcissistic Supply) but when others fail to quickly acknowledge his or her projected image of greatness, they feel deeply wounded and attacked. The false persona is supported primarily by various forms of Narcissistic Supply which is what keeps them functioning and provides the fuel used to bridge the gap between the inner world constructed by their imagination and actual reality. Narcissists believe wholeheartedly they deserve unreserved respect and special treatment, relentlessly demanding ‘proof’ they are indeed exceptional, but deep down inside they are consumed with many doubts and even self-hatred.

The false persona is supported primarily by various forms of Narcissistic Supply which is what keeps them functioning and provides the fuel used to bridge the gap between the inner world constructed by their imagination and actual reality. Narcissists believe wholeheartedly they deserve unreserved respect and special treatment, relentlessly demanding ‘proof’ they are indeed exceptional, but deep down inside they are consumed with many doubts and even self-hatred. This is the very reason they invented a false persona in the first place, seeking to escape their true selves, which have been buried within but are still very much alive. When they begin to fail, the Narcissist regresses into a childlike emotional state, resembling a youngster who has lost their favourite toy to play with. If they are unable to obtain adequate or satisfactory Narcissistic Supply to help boost their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, it feels as if they have been denied the very thing that allows them to exist. Sometimes they feel deflated, devalued, worthless, and at other times omnipotent, invincible, and unique.

They can begin to live in a self-imposed emotional prison, trying to save face and avoid scrutiny after they have dramatically fallen from their perceived position of invincibility. At this point, he or she begins to project their self-hatred onto everyone else around them, throwing juvenile temper-tantrums, expressing complete intolerance for the opinions of others, being disrespectful, and verbally attacking other people. They will bitterly complain or erupt in rage, attempting to feel better about themselves. The Narcissist will venomously blame everything and everyone instead of taking responsibility, have zero empathy or sympathy regarding how their behaviour is damaging others, and often feel they have absolutely nothing to lose. While collapsing in on themselves, they must believe they are a blameless ‘victim’; in this frantic state, it is quite possible they will abuse others verbally, emotionally, or physically, indulge in cheating on their partner multiple times, or mistreat any children who may be involved. This state of mind can also pose a real physical danger to the other people in their lives.

As the collapse intensifies, the Narcissist begins to withdraw mentally into a life of fantasy where their precious narcissistic supply is limitless while isolating themselves, seeking to avoid feeling ashamed. The façade is unraveling, which makes them feel extremely vulnerable as their extremely fragile self-esteem compulsively begins a process of self-devaluation and severe doubt. The fake façade of a nice, reasonable, and friendly person completely disappears, and the true ugly, deeply wounded, distorted personality begins to be exposed. This often happens when reality begins to seriously encroach on the fantasy world they have very carefully crafted to impress others. They can begin thrashing around mentally, desperately seeking to rediscover their precious Narcissistic Supply so they can bolster their fragile feelings of self-esteem. When a Narcissist loses their supply, they are like a drug addict not having access to their next drug fix. The detox process can begin gradually then abruptly accelerate; the collapsing internal state occurs when they are unable, for whatever reason, to obtain something they desperately desire. Alternatively, their constructed fake world has been seriously threatened by reality, and if there isn’t a possibility of saving their image, eventually they will become unhinged.

Usual Reactions During the Narcissistic Collapse

Irritability
Confusion
Fear of abandonment
Intense feelings of jealousy and envy
Anger & Rage
Imagined Conspiracies
Mania
Paranoia
Persecution Complex
Psychotic episodes, delusions, or disconnection from reality
Possibility of self-harm
Depression
Deranged
Nervous Breakdown

The self-created delusions are invented to produce a make believe personal world that is less threatening and more acceptable to their brittle egos. They frequently live according to individualised versions of the “truth.” Extreme intellectual distortions and often rigid subconscious defensive tactics change his or her perceptions of actual experiences, behaviors, and events while they forcefully proclaim justifications for their toxic behaviour. Despite their apparent arrogance, the fiction the Narcissist has constructed about themselves is very fragile, and when the facade begins to crumble, their true nature is exposed as they become psychotic, paranoid, terrified, hysterical, needy, childish, and delusional. The Narcissistic Collapse represents the terrifying loss of a constructed and delusional identity. The fiction the Narcissist has constructed about themselves is very fragile, and when the façade is beginning to crumble, their true nature is exposed as they become psychotic, paranoid, terrified, hysterical, needy, childish, and delusional. They can also be very dangerous.

Book Extract: Exposing the Narcissist

Due for publication 2023.